Autumn in Providence is still going strong. I'm so grateful that I can wear sweaters for more than two days in a year, unlike in Georgia. But I miss Georgia too, especially how it felt during the fall semester, like everything was at stake and it was all coming to me at once as I chose to bury myself in schoolwork and the laughters of friends on the 7th floor of Crosland library.
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Manuscript
Whirlwind.
I have less than a month to develop my manuscript into its final form, ready for coauthor review and submission. That being said, I've pushed all socialization to the weekends and fill my weekdays with just 3 things: manuscript writing, lab preparation, and grad application. Throughout my college years I realized that I don't need a lot of stimulant to feel happy and content - although I do appreciate them - so from time to time when things get really stressul I go into hibernation mode and hangout with my work 80% of the time.
So, that's where I'm at right now: I get 80% of my happiness from hitting my work goals, figuring out math problems, overcoming coding hurdles, etc. It's very rewarding, since those are things within my control - if I try hard enough, results are almost always guaranteed.
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Grad apps.
I've met with a couple more potential advisors and grad students and started to realized thag all this time I've been looking for people who "want me", who'd "take me", but forgot to think about how excited I am to work with them. It's hard. I'm in this "beggars can't be choosers" mindset, trying to get out.
I'm starting to narrow down the programs I'm applying to, focusing on advisors from whom I've gotten a semi-positive/positive response from. I think I've also come to accept that if I fail - meaning if I don't get into any grad school - this whole process is still worth it. By the end of this admission cycle, I will have learned so much about what's happening in my field, and those information never goes to waste. Even if I have to apply a second time, I'll be able to bring everything I learned from this round with me - all 6 months of it. And hey, that's plenty of a head start on many people!
And, I mean, either way, this year will have been my most fruitful year so far in terms of perosnal growth and career development. I'm pretty happy with that.
After signing up for the GEMS mentorship program, I got paired with Dr. Alex Chase at SMU. He's super cool and very nice and gave me a lot of insight on the whole process and on having the right mindset going into gradschool.
The best piece of advise I've gotten so far regarding SOP writing?
Write 2 sentences every day.
Just 2. It's plenty. Trust me. Sometimes you'll write 2 sentences and want to continue writing. Somedays you're done after 2. But always, just start with 2. I promise it helps.
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Lab
Everything, everywhere, all, at, once.
I'm proud of myself for figuring out the configuration of splitting zero air between two Picarros though. It was overwhelming the last two weeks, but now, I feel oddly on top of things. I like knowing stuff in the lab: where everything goes, which sales rep to call, which technicians to seek help from...it's coming to gether bit by bit as I work out my lab managing skills.
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I feel better than I did last time I blogged, but not because my fear of failure resided. I'm still terrified, but I know now whatever ends up happening, I will come out alive and okay. And maybe, just maybe, that that's the point of this all along.
P.S.
Never take your friends for granted.
Call your parents more often.
Also, sure, complaining and crying don't change anything, but if that's what you need to do, knock yourself out. I cry about things not because I believe it solve all my problems. I cry because I deserve to feel what I feel, and knowing that gives me strength to keep going.
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