I'm finally over the initial shock of getting offers. Slowly but surely, it was starting to feel like I was reaping what I sowed. Althought everyone (and I truly mean everyone) told me I was going to be okay, more than okay, I couldn't take their words for it. I had to see it for myself. And for a while that seemed like so long, I truly believed that things had took a turn for the worst, ant that working at Brown was going to be the peak of my academic career on paper. I'd embraced that outcome and came to peace with it. And for a split second, I was relieved that life had finally showed its hand and that I was finally "living in the real world" instead of still smooth sailing on the path to nowhere ---- somewhere on paper, yes, but nowhere in the heart. Now that the opportunity has presented itself, it's fully in my hands to make the decision: to cruise on autopilot like I've been doing, or choose to make something out of it? Here I am. I'm going to grad school. I'm going to be a better scientist, among the best.
Then, almost immediately, I started to feel this immense sense of duty. Say, for example, a person is suddenly presented with a bunch of great opportunities and suddenly has access to quite a few places with the best education in the field -- isn't it their responsibility to use them well and to pick the place that can best tap into their potential?
What a good time to think about the kind of scientist I want to become.
------------------------
Things took a turn for the better in lab as well. I'm well-versed in ordering equipments, communicating with the technicians at Brown, coordinating instrument runs with PIs, and calibrating and running the Picarros independently.
My undergrad mentee, Lucy, is doing superbly, also, which feels extremely rewarding. I still remember the first day I walked into Jen's lab with Abbie (now Dr. Johnson at UGA) and being overwhelmed, not knowing which questions to ask first. I started out slow, from praticing pipetting and reading papers, and I remember wanting to contribute more and being impatient with my lack of research progress. I think back to things I wish I'd been exposed to earlier on and try to incorporate them into Lucy's training: a solid foundation of knowledge on the instrumentation, a strong skillset on operating the machines, a comprehensive understanding of data post-processing and quality control, and a well-rounded view of the lab including people from which to seek help. She's doing so much better than I was 2 years ago.
I've been working more closely with Dan's group too, which makes me feel useful as I'm the only person who knows how to deal with the Picarros aside from Joe. No wonder they say "knowledge is power". Speaking of which, I need to schedule a chat with Joe to over the calibration test results...
---------------------------------
My manuscript is finally out for co-authors' review!!!
I sent it out at 4pm this Tuesday, a Tuesday as ordinary as ever, except for it was ordinary at all. This document I had started at and pained over for so so long (and which probably gave Kim and Amanda a ton of headache), suddenly, it's out and about in this world, about to be seen and judged.
Feedbacks, most definitely. Encouragements, probably. Criticism, maybe. Everything will be okay.
"Living in this big blue world
With my head up in outer space
I know I'll be A-O, A-O-K
I know I'll be A-O, A-O-K
When I see trouble come my way
I be makin' lemonade
I know I'll be A-O, A-O-K
I know I'll be A-O, A-O-K (mm, mm)"
- A-O-K (Thai Verdes)
Comments